CHAPTER THIRTY-EIGHT ~ OPERATION: COOKIE CUTTER ~ by B.A. Linhares

“Uhhh! I might as well get this over with.”

After a moment’s contemplation, I decide to dial Char first. She has some major explaining to do. Like why did she try to freaking run Josh and me over...? TWICE!?

I punch speed dial.

Char screams into the phone. “It’s about fricking time you called me back.” She sounds...I don’t know––crazy.

“EXCUSE ME?” Why is she giving me grief?

“Well golly gosh Cookie, my life is a total disaster!” Char says, sounding beyond miserable and her sarcastic self. And when did Char start saying ‘gosh’?

I gasp and ask in disbelief, “Is that why you tried to kill me Josh and me...TWICE—because your life is miserable?”

Char doesn’t say anything. Silence.

“Um, so what’s going on Char? I mean first you act like a total biotch the other day and today you try to run down Josh O’Dell and me! What gives?” She doesn’t answer. After a few seconds, I start wondering if she hung up, “Char, you there?” 

I hear Char blow her nose and it reminds me of the elephants in the Washington Zoo.

 “Yeah...I-I’m here,” she chokes clearly crying. I guess she’s had a pretty rough night.  “I’m sorry,” she says in this little voice. “I wanted to talk to you at lunch but you dissed me and went out side.”

I gasp. She’s the queen of diss. Not me. “About?”

Char blows her nose again and continues, “Cookie, I’m pregnant! There I said it!”

My ears hear pregnant but my brain shines the info on as if it’s no big deal. Not sure why.

“Wait. Char did just say you’re pregnant?”

“Pretty sure. Anyway, I’m surprised you didn’t hear about it today...it’s all over school thanks to jerk-off Eddie Crandon!”

“Who?”

“You know him.”

“No, I don’t think I do.”

“Yes you do! Crandon is on the football team with Billy. He tried to date you in middle school”

Tried to date moi? When-where? I search my memory. Blank.

“What are you talking about, nobody on the planet tried to date me in middle school.”

“Fat slob with blonde hair and pimples.”

“Oh him,” I picture Crandon walking by me in the hall at school. I so messed up not going out with him. “OMG, that’s right. I wouldn’t call it date. Eddie tried to cop a feel when we double at the drive-in with you and…whoever. Whoa he’s changed a lot since middle school.”

“He’s dating Carle Westinghouse…”

Carle could body double for Elle Macpherson. I blink back to my room. “So go on,” I say, avoiding the elephant in the room (Char’s knocked up). This is HUGE! “What did Eddie do?”

“Well, today at lunch, f’n Eddie starts chanting “Char Mc Do-ya” in front of everyone and then out on the field during football practice. Right in front of me and my girls.”

I cringe recalling hearing Eddie say this out in the parking lot. With everything else going on, I’d put it in the back of my mind. “So you decided to run him over.”

“I missed,” Char says, and laughs viciously. “It’s all good. Billy had a couple of the guys go over to Eddie’s house tonight with a can of whoop ass. They messed him up pretty good. But unfortunately his father pulled up and they ran off.” Char goes quite.

This is not good. “Char, is Eddie okay?”

“Yeah. Billy said he’s in emergency room getting a few stitches in his handsome face.”

Great. I can hear Josh when I tell him all of this. Add assault and battery to attempted vehicle homicide. If Mr. Crandon presses charges, Char will be giving birth in the slammer. What am I thinking? Senator Brennan will take care of things.

 “So what you’re saying is that you were trying to run Eddie Crandon down but Josh and I got in your path?”

“Yeah, the dude royally pissed me off …me being with child and all.”

“Yeah. I’m still trying to process the “I’m pregnant” comment. Are you joking around?”

“NO! THE H-P-T WAS POSITIVE!”

“Ah. So…um…wow, that’s great...right? I mean, you’re in love with Billy and you like kids and all, right?”

Char screams, “HELL NO, kids are a pain!”

What can I say to calm her down? After a second or two, I put it back to my ear and say in a sugary sweet tone, “But Char think about it, your dream has come true. You love Billy right?”

“Of course I love Billy. To death and then some. But I’m too young to have little snotty-nosed kid hanging around my neck! I want a baby BUT NOT RIGHT NOW…I’m not prepared to be a freaking mother, yet!” I hold my cell out from my ear. Char is really crying now and screaming.

I’m stunned and clueless as what else to say. Char needs to talk to an adult about her choices. Under any circumstance, I would never ever suggest someone have an abortion. It’s against my core beliefs. I hope Char would never go for one either, even with all the promiscuity, she is always said that she is a “devout Catholic”, but words are cheap. I just pray that she will be a devout mom too, or put the child up for adoption. I hear her labored breathing and pull my mind and spirit away from any negative thoughts. Right now, I need to be strong for her. This is one thing I can do.

“Um Char? How far along are you?”

“I’m about four and a half weeks gone. And by the way…it is Billy’s,” she says adamantly. “I know what you’re thinking.”

“What? I didn’t think otherwise.” I get the feeling Char isn’t telling me everything. I mean, who else’s would it be? Hum.

“Forget it. I’m totally on edge. Cook, I’m really sorry I almost ran you over guys. I didn’t mean to. I freaked when I saw Eddie headed in the crowd of football guys...what a jerk off! After I told Billy this afternoon, he was so pleased with himself, he blabbed it to the guys at practice!”

“Well, gee, that’s good. Billy’s happy about it.”

“He was,” Char shouts through her tears, “until he called his father to come rescue us at the police station! Senator Brennan…he...he...he, said Billy needed to dump me. I was a slut and should get an abortion! I heard him with my own ears. Can you believe that!? Then Mrs. Brennan stepped in.”

I just listen while she continues her tirade.

“God, I can’t believe he’d call me a slut after all I’ve done to helping him and Mrs. Brennan with those stupid fund-raising parties. No way will Billy and I abort this child...I’m a devout Catholic!”

At this point, Char is crying really-really hard, I can hardly understand what she is saying. I press the phone to my ear and from what I can make out Senator Brennan told Billy that if word got out to the press that his one and only son knocked up some slut, his political career would be over. I’m shocked that he would even suggest she terminate the pregnancy, there are other ways to deal with an unwanted pregnancy, for one, adoption. The Brennans are known around Georgetown as stanch Catholics. They contribute tons of money and time to numerous Catholic organizations. On any day, you can pick up a local publication full of photo ops and stories telling who attended their latest effort. Even though his catering business thrives on such events, Pop says it’s insane how much money they’ll spend to get donations. They all just want to appear compassionate to their constituents when most could care less about the unfortunate.

I realize Char stopped talking. Did she hang up? Then I hear her take a draw on a cigarette and blow it out. I know Char smokes. She used to steal cigs from her Mom in middle school. I think about the little helpless baby growing inside my friend and want to tell her to put it out, don’t hurt your baby.

Char blows out smoke and then says, “Who knows…maybe I’ll lose it like the other time.”

I find my voice. “What are you talking about?”

“Remember last year…when I missed those two weeks during finals and almost didn’t pass?” A raw laugh. She says flatly, “That one wasn’t Billy’s.” She draws deeply on the cigarette. “Nope…” ––her voice grows stronger, defiant— “that one was a big ASS MISTAKE!” Nicotine has poisoned her bloodstream and given her false courage. “Luckily, I had a miscarriage in my second month.”

I listen without comment. I’m stunned that she hid this from me.

“Sorry, I never told you…or anyone for that matter… truth is I was mortified.” Char says ironically, “Weren’t we a fine pair? You’re all depressed about you mom’s death and me getting over a miscarriage!” Her anguish is palpable.

“You could’ve told me Char. Who’s was it?”

She coughs deeply then says, “Water under the bridge my friend.” Char’s voice is ragged from crying.

Char cries openly as I search for the words to console my old friend. My bind is blank. I feel helpless. There must be something I can I do or say.

“Life totally sucks sometimes huh, Cook? I gotta go.”

“Hey. Char, I am here for you…I mean we’ve been friends for a long time.”

“Thanks Cook, just pray for me…or whatever.”

Char just hangs up.

I lie there listening to the nothingness. My stomach tightens.  It’s late and I am so tired. I put my phone on the bed next to me in case she wants to call me again. I scoot down under the cool covers, lying in the quiet of my bedroom feeling completely numb. I want to help Char but I’m clueless. I guess after her kid is born I could offer baby-sit. I sit strait up. I almost forgot... I still need to call Sean! I have to be done with it. Our relationship is getting beyond weird and I don’t want to have to worry about running into him and Kelly at school tomorrow. If I finish it tonight, we can both move on. I pick up my cell and speed-dial Sean’s cell phone then hold my breath. He picks up instantly.

“Cookie?” he shouts over loud music in the background, “Is it really you?”

“Yes, Sean it’s really me. I’m returning your call.” I sound a little snippy but I can’t help it all things considered. “We never got to talk this afternoon.”

Sean laughs. “Holy crapolla! That was quite a stunt you gal pal Char MacDougal pulled after school out in the parking lot!”

“That’s not why...I mean that’s not what I want to talk about Sean...actually we don’t have anything to talk about because I know about you and Kelly.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Hello, it’s all over school. You and Albright are an item now.”

“You shouldn’t listen to gossip.”

“Don’t try to deny it, because I personally witnessed Kelly in your parent’s car the other day and today you were in her car! FYI, the two of you were caught today on a news camera. I saw you in her red PT Cruiser. If you don’t believe me turn on your TV, its “breaking news”.”

“Real-ly, I was on the news? How’d I look?”

Uh! He is so conceited! “Goodbye Sean. For good!”

Sean yells over the music, “Wait Cookie, I can explain!”

 “I’ll bet!” I start to click off and hesitate. “Sean, don’t waist your breath! In fact I’m certain Kelly is with you right now! Don’t lie!”

“Uh, yeah, but—”

OH! I can’t believe he admitted it. He is reprehensible! The least he could is lie and to make me feel better. “Goodbye Sean. And please don’t call me anymore or for that matter talk to me at school!”

I click off and delete his number from my contacts. I blow out some air trying to calm my beating heart. Next time I see Sean and Kelly together I will have the satisfaction of knowing that I was the one who had the last word. Next came, a deep dark dreamless sleep. Thank you God!